How is your first day dear?

This is her first day job at Lampung, I wish she is doing OK. I’m worry about her, especially her eating habits and clumsiness. But hey… I have to trust her on her own there, I’m sure she is doing OK

How is your first day dear? I’m anxious to know ;-D

For her being in Lampung means me and her are on a long distance relationship.. actually, I’m more worried about my self… Why? Because I miss her so much >.<

Hopefully she would come to Jakarta visiting me as soon as she has the chance…

My Happy 27th B’Day? (T.T)

Yes, its my b’day tomorrow… but the thing is, i don’t have any plan for my 27th b’day nor excited about it.

the reason is because today i will get the news regarding my sweetheart location of work for the next couple of years, will she be relocate far from me, but hopefully she will be relocate in Bandung, Padang or Pekanbaru, so she wouldn’t have to be alone. being alone is SUCK!!

other reason is because its been more than 1 month since i’ve been unemployeed…  my plans are ruin because of this… T.T

yepp, its tragic to know that decision i made to move to other company turn out to be a mistake. it seem there is so many thing that i need to learn in making a decision, eventho i’ve made a lot of mistakes in the past, turn out i still have to experience another one and another one… :’((

what would tomorrow look like, it still a mystery for me. n somehow i’m terrified to find out, but this is something that i have to face and deal with.

Ya Allah, please guide me, help me get through with all of this… please help me and Maya, if we have to live far away from each other, please protect our love, because we have faith that You will show us the way and lead us until we both get together..

this is me and my sweet heart at Ciwalk, our first trip to Bandung together…

Por ti Sere Maya… Por ti Sere…

Everthing I Touched, Breaks!!!

Ya Allah, exactly how far have I lost from the course that you already set for me? Even after that long striving steps that I have taken, I still came back at the point I started, its like I’m walking in circle

Ya Allah, I’m begging you to show me your blessing so I can be more appreciative in receiving all those miracles that you shower me with and keeping them with me, so I wouldn’t break or even loose any of those things that dear to my heart.

Ya Allah, I’m begging you to help my angel to get on her feet. All of those things are entirely my faults. My problems started all this mess that it become uncontrollable. I should be stronger, instead, I drag her into this mess.

Ya Allah, I love her very much. Ya Allah, you know she love me even more. Please help us so we can be the best person for each other. Help us getting through this. Please show us some light, show us your mercy.

Ya Allah, all I want is to be with her. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. If I have to be apart from her for a while, so we can reflects on our self, please guide us getting through with this. So by the time we together again, we will be much much stronger than now to start our journey together for the rest of our life.

My Dear Maya, Por ti Sere…

A Small Review (^^!)

“bbrp hr ini gejolak diriku serasa memuncak, entah mengapa hidup ini terasa hampa.. apakah ini artinya sudah saat nya aq memiliki pendamping hidup agar aq bisa kluar dr kehampaan ini? tp apakah itu alasan kita mencari pendamping hidup.

aq tau ada byk alasan knp seseorg harus menikah.. ibadah, menjauhkan fitnah, membangun kluarga, mendapatkan keturunan, dan lain.. tp entah knp bagiku ada yg mengganjal sehingga menghalangi niatanku utk kesana..

aq bukan lah manusia yg tanpa dosa.. aq memiliki dosa2 yg sudah tak terbayangkan besarnya… “

- March 2008 -

that was my draft on March which i almost forget about ^_^! I never had the chance to finish that post, that is why perhaps I never put it on publish

anyway… now thing has turn out pretty well for me.. life is really colorfull ever since I met my dearest, but I think putting up the above post would be a good thing for me to apreciate what i have now even more. (^_^)v

Promise Kept Dear (^^)v

last weekend, I wen to Japan Expo at PRJ Kemayoran with my dear.. we look some corporate booths in the fair, but what I really want to see was japanese foods okonomiyaki and takoyaki n I found it (^^)v heuheu… my 1st time having takoyaki n okonomiyaki

but no pain no gain, so many ppl want to buy those foods, so i have to wait in the line in the crowd, but luckily my dear found a spot for her to sit, we don’t want her to collapse, do we

after waiting for almost an hour, my order was ready, n I get 2 onigiris along the way n we ready to eat the food…

Ittadakimasu… (^^)d

finally get to see okonomiyaki… looks like bakwan :-/

so this is takoyaki

after went to Japan Expo, at night, we went to see 007 new series, Quantum of Solace at Studio XXI.

it was raining the whole day, I went home pretty late that night waiting the rain to stop

story continue….

yesterday was the “worst” day of my life why? because I have to keep my self from the temptation of Caza Suki menus >.<

yes, our 3rd party invited us for a lunch at a japanese self service restaurant, right on the day I do my compulsory monday fasting T.T

my co-workers advice me to break my fast, cause its not really necessary to fast, but then again, I made a promise to myself that I will regularly do my monday-thursday compulsory fast as this is one of my commitment to the lord for giving me the chance to be with her, and I intend to keep that commitment.

as I informed the situation to my dear, she was laughing n said that i will be tempted (cause in her opinion, I get temped easily (^^;) )

but as u see my dear, I kept my promise, I get through that 2 hours hell without any regret (^^)d

dodol… dipanas2in gw neh >.<

OMG… I want that crab T.T

finally its all over >.<

well… not so tough after all (^^)v food surviving is not something imposible, but poor the 3rd party guy, he has to pay for my share in the bill eventhou I didn’t touch any of the foods (^^!)

Great moments at Dufan… n more to come.. (^^)d

okay, i found a good picture of me and her that day at dufan

hehehe…

this is me and her after lunch..

aren’t we match to each other (^^!)

this is when we prepared for Kora Kora

From left to right, Mega her sister, Budi her  senior at college who also happen to be my best friend, Maya my dearest one, and ofcourse, the ugly one is me (>.<!)

This is when we were on the ride (>.<)

that was thrilling (^^)d

this is the relaxed moment after Istana Boneka

hehehe… i think its more than enough pics about my weekend to dufan with her, her sister n my best friend

P.S. we prepare to go to Sea World next month… (^^)v

Starting from Scratch.. A New Tale… About Me and You..

All I can say is, “Alhamdulillah”, last night we talked about our situation… after discussion about many things regarding me and her, she decided to start everything from the beginning.. OMG, I was glad, it feels really relieving. she hasn’t accept me entirely yet, especially about my past, but she will learn to love me, as she said the feeling was gone after confession about my past.. T.T but i offer her to help her back on her feet, get her motivation in life, have faith in a relationship. I’ll be by your side all the way dear, i promised u i won’t let u down, n i don’t wanna loose u either, cause I’ll be loosing my world by the time I’m loosing u >.< that is something i don’t dare to think to happen T.T i promised her, if she had the will, patience and leave the rest to Allah, i’m sure we’ll get what we want from this relationship.. a happy ending…

anyway, we’ve put everything back in place, hopefully someday, she can accept me entirely, n i wish when that day come, she will be ready to moving forward with me (^^)

as for today, we went to dufan (Dunia Fantasi – Dream world) along with her lil sister and her senior in college who also happen to be my best friend. he was late by the way, so we went to dufan after dzuhur, arrive at 1o’clock. wew.. i thought we wouldn’t make it to get to the best rides, but i was WRONG!! we get to kicir2 (power surge, 15 minutes queue), tornado (45 minutes queue), halilintar (roller coaster, 15 minutes queue) and kora2 (Swinging boat, 15 minutes queue), n the queue r around 15-45 minutes!! wow… what a day, we also went to istana boneka (dolls castle) and take the ontang anting and bianglala (windmill), but my dear was having nausious n throw up after get to ontang anting, weird, cause she was okay taking the other extreme rides (T.T)

eniwei, we went back at 7 pm, copy the pictures we were taking in dufan (i’ll put them here if i have the time ^^;) so many pictures of her lil sister actually (^^!) at least me n my dear got some really good shot together (^^).. 6 hours fun is really exhausting, i’m a bit sleepy while writing this entry >.< we plan to go to sea world next month, hopefully we have some money to spare for recreation ^^;

its been a really exhasting wiken for me n my dear, so i think we deserve the best wiken so far, yet more to come ^^; i’m really happy that we stil in the relationship n hopefully we’ll be in this journey for a very long long time

oh, btw, i think my dear will monitoring this blog from now on, so i think this is no longer a my secret place for her (^^;) so i must write a good things about her, otherwise, she will hang my head >.< i mean, my heart ^^; j/k dear.. u r perfect, even while riding ontang anting

I Luv U my Dear, thanks for this 2nd chance u gave yourself and me, we’ll start this fairy tale n we’ll end it with happily ever after together.. Insya Allah o:-)

Morning Messages..

SMS #1

“d jadiin aja kdufannya,,maybe it ‘ll be our last trip hehe,, “

SMS #2

“i dont to make d same mistakes twice,,hm2,if they come here,just pretend nothing happen,,i dont want to make them disapointed,,”

SMS #3

“to open my heart for same kind of man,,”

SMS #4

“till now,,its hard for me to face it,,please dont ask me to open my heart aain, it was closed,,”

those r the messages that she sent me this morning.. my tears keep falling while i read those messages, n i keep reading it till now.. (T.T)

“d jadiin aja kdufannya,,maybe it ‘ll be our last trip hehe,, “

I don’t want it to be our last trip, i was planning to take u to dufan for a while now n it happen to be the same as budi wants, that’s why i got so excited about it, if u remember carefully dear, we weren’t in a relationship back then when i planned this trip we are about to start our journey together.. (T.T)

“i dont to make d same mistakes twice,,hm2,if they come here,just pretend nothing happen,,i dont want to make them disapointed,,”

if u think u’ll be making mistake by choosing to be with me, i assure u won’t, i’ll treasure u for the rest of my life.. i have nottin’ now, my world evolve around u since u accept me, i have to asked my friends for advice so i don’t make wrong move in this situation. please remember why u accepted me in the first place.. (T.T)

“to open my heart for same kind of man,,”

perhaps the man i WAS, was the same as him. but dear, the way i am NOW is not the same as him n the way i am NOW is not the same as i WAS.

“till now,,its hard for me to face it,,please dont ask me to open my heart again, it was closed,,”

thats the reality about me dear, i have the worst past that i have to live with, i’m not proud of it, but i think how am i doing now that defines me.. perhaps if i dont have those experience, i might be a different person now, n u probably wouldnt like it either way.. all i know that i got 2nd chance from 4JJI n i’ve promised my self i will make the best of it, especially after i met u, 4JJI is soo merciful to guide me along the way n make it work out between us.. if your heart already open for me, please i’m begging u on my knees not to close it.. if your heart hasn’t been open for me, please let me stay in front of your heart to wait until it open up for me. please dont shut me off from ur life… (T.T)

u don’t have to face my past dear, cause i already face it n get through it, i made out this far while bleeding n crying.. all i want u to do is look at me now, see through me.. cause u might not gonna find a man better than me..

-while listening PeterPan “Kisah Cintaku” -

P.S.

I Luv U (T.T)

The Truth.. Keep it or Spill it out?

okay,  perhaps most of u already know from my previous post that I’m in love with this girl and for your information, we became couple on the 19th. that was the happiest moment i ever had. we were doing really fine actually, especially when we started this relationship as a friends.

but last night, started with a conversation between him and her childhood friend, i started to think maybe its about time she knows about my past, the things that i fear most, the darkest time i ever had on my own..

I’m pretty sure what I’m about to tell her will shock her and the she look at me will never be the same.. but i want this relationship with her based on the truth n no secrecy. so she can make better judgment about my self, how i was, how i am now, n what will i become. n yes, she shocked, a really hard one! as she keep saying that she had that kind of conversation b4 with her ex.. n then she asked me to go home, i understand she really need some space on her own.

my past? well, its not something I’m proud of, but that is process in my life that i must go through in order so i can become a better person. i regret it, but i won’t lose to it. at least from my point of view, I’ve become much better person for the last month, n I’m still trying to do better. n i don’t denied, despite that i know that i should do something to be a better person, its not until i met u dear that i know what i should do n how i should do it.

back to my love one, i hope she think very clearly why i’m telling her about my past n hopefully she can make better judgement n make decision on what she would do next, whether she would accept me n continue with this relationship, or perhaps she would leave me with nottin’ left for me..

as for me, i hope she would take me as i am now..

(>.<)

P.S. I Luv U Maya AP

The UnPredictible >.<

its been a while already since the last time i write her, that mean i was out there living the life i want as i hope. but then again, there is always a phase in our life that we have to go my secret hiding place for rant.

okay, here i start..

usually, we have plan for everything so we can expect how to react even for unexpected. but somehow, things didn’t go they i want it to be..

it started with a simple chat messages and then she end up being my companion for movies.. after a while, i never expected that there is something different about me looking at her, perhaps because i get to know her more than before, i get to know a bit about her past, i share a bit about my past as well, i get to know about her family, her hobbies which not different then mine, she share her family Lebaran pics, as i as well share mine.

things started going out of hand for me, there are two or three things that she said that really bugging me, somehow, i realize that my feeling towards her is uncontrollable, this is usual, I’m loosing my self.

i ask myself several time, what exactly is this weird feeling inside of me, am i in love with her? that can’t be!! but the more i denied it, the more i want to get closer to her.

i asked my close friend who happen to be her senior in college, he gave me some advice to take things slowly, be EXTRA careful and not to let her down. i carved these advices in me and i continue being her companion to the movies, well, at least we both have the same hobbies, might as well enjoy my moments being with her just the two of us. even tho my heart pondering when i looking at her eyes, how my lips smiling looking at her laughing after hearing my jokes, how i love to see her under the full moon upon us..
okay, weather if my feeling for her is love or not, but the fact that i don’t like to be away from her as i hate the time i have to leave her house, or the uneasy feeling when she didn’t text messages me, I’m pretty much sure that this is love. i decide to let her know how i feel for her, but first i have to find out how she feel for me.

but as i said earlier, things didn’t always flow the way we planned it to be, and last night is the prove that how God actually hold full control of our fate. She knew my feeling to her, and she said she need times to sort things. i gave her all the time she want, i will not bother her until she get a grip of her self. not for long i hope. as to this point, i’m still waiting..