The Truth.. Keep it or Spill it out?

okay,  perhaps most of u already know from my previous post that I’m in love with this girl and for your information, we became couple on the 19th. that was the happiest moment i ever had. we were doing really fine actually, especially when we started this relationship as a friends.

but last night, started with a conversation between him and her childhood friend, i started to think maybe its about time she knows about my past, the things that i fear most, the darkest time i ever had on my own..

I’m pretty sure what I’m about to tell her will shock her and the she look at me will never be the same.. but i want this relationship with her based on the truth n no secrecy. so she can make better judgment about my self, how i was, how i am now, n what will i become. n yes, she shocked, a really hard one! as she keep saying that she had that kind of conversation b4 with her ex.. n then she asked me to go home, i understand she really need some space on her own.

my past? well, its not something I’m proud of, but that is process in my life that i must go through in order so i can become a better person. i regret it, but i won’t lose to it. at least from my point of view, I’ve become much better person for the last month, n I’m still trying to do better. n i don’t denied, despite that i know that i should do something to be a better person, its not until i met u dear that i know what i should do n how i should do it.

back to my love one, i hope she think very clearly why i’m telling her about my past n hopefully she can make better judgement n make decision on what she would do next, whether she would accept me n continue with this relationship, or perhaps she would leave me with nottin’ left for me..

as for me, i hope she would take me as i am now..

(>.<)

P.S. I Luv U Maya AP

The UnPredictible >.<

its been a while already since the last time i write her, that mean i was out there living the life i want as i hope. but then again, there is always a phase in our life that we have to go my secret hiding place for rant.

okay, here i start..

usually, we have plan for everything so we can expect how to react even for unexpected. but somehow, things didn’t go they i want it to be..

it started with a simple chat messages and then she end up being my companion for movies.. after a while, i never expected that there is something different about me looking at her, perhaps because i get to know her more than before, i get to know a bit about her past, i share a bit about my past as well, i get to know about her family, her hobbies which not different then mine, she share her family Lebaran pics, as i as well share mine.

things started going out of hand for me, there are two or three things that she said that really bugging me, somehow, i realize that my feeling towards her is uncontrollable, this is usual, I’m loosing my self.

i ask myself several time, what exactly is this weird feeling inside of me, am i in love with her? that can’t be!! but the more i denied it, the more i want to get closer to her.

i asked my close friend who happen to be her senior in college, he gave me some advice to take things slowly, be EXTRA careful and not to let her down. i carved these advices in me and i continue being her companion to the movies, well, at least we both have the same hobbies, might as well enjoy my moments being with her just the two of us. even tho my heart pondering when i looking at her eyes, how my lips smiling looking at her laughing after hearing my jokes, how i love to see her under the full moon upon us..
okay, weather if my feeling for her is love or not, but the fact that i don’t like to be away from her as i hate the time i have to leave her house, or the uneasy feeling when she didn’t text messages me, I’m pretty much sure that this is love. i decide to let her know how i feel for her, but first i have to find out how she feel for me.

but as i said earlier, things didn’t always flow the way we planned it to be, and last night is the prove that how God actually hold full control of our fate. She knew my feeling to her, and she said she need times to sort things. i gave her all the time she want, i will not bother her until she get a grip of her self. not for long i hope. as to this point, i’m still waiting..